J.Cruel

Constant. Sartorial. Wonderment.

Which Shoe Tastes Best?

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Spring is in full swing and summer’s in the air! That means it’s time to stop carving up your bootstrap leather and start thinking about sandal season. Any well trained depressionista knows that to find the best tasting shoes, it’s best to start early so you don’t have to shiv someone in the bread line.

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A cork wedge is a great way to add height to your frame and fiber to your diet. Try a chunky heel for extra flair, and pour on some hollandaise to get the buckle down your gullet.

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Patent heels in a bright color are a great way to transition from spring to summer. Fruity colors like bright greens and yellows seem almost like the real thing: shiny leather fruit dipped in polyurethane.

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Strappy peasant sandals can sometimes make you feel like you’re strolling along the beach wearing nothing at all. Take a dip in the ocean to soften up the rubber sole. Fry with a lemon butter sauce and capers. What’s that almond taste? Just harmless and nutritious traces of arsenic. Smile depressionista, you look fabulous!

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