J.Cruel

Constant. Sartorial. Wonderment.

Featured Items

hat

Aunt Flo Comes to Town When Aunt Flo came for a visit, she took us kids to the lake while Mama stayed at home and broke the things Daddy’d left behind. Put your sandals on before you go to the snack bar, Flo told us, flipping the pages of her magazine. You’ll step on broken glass. Flo told the girls it was important for a woman to hang on to her youth. That was why she always wore a sunhat. She also told us that boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses or girls with fat asses. She thought about it some more, and then added, Or jars of molasses or Jackie Onassis. Go stick your heads in the lake, she said. You’re bothering me.

Brilliantly striped sunhat. Avoid the world’s prying eyes.

 

gladiator

I Am Spartacus He said that he enjoyed both snails and oysters. You said, That’s nice. He asked if you enjoy both snails and oysters. You said you were allergic to shellfish, and you don’t really like snails, so . . . . He said, well, he wasn’t really talking about snails and oysters. Not literally. You said, Ohhhhh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Then you said, What? He sighed and rubbed his forehead like he had a headache. He said he was trying to make innuendo. You said, Oh, okay. Does that have shellfish in it?

Multi-buckle gladiator sandal. At least your feet will look smart.

fling2

Highland Fling First he tossed a log over a fence, just to impress you. Then he rolled a 20lb cheese down a hill, just to impress you. Then he threw that cop through a windshield, just to impress you.

Watercolor plaid with ruffle hem and asymmetrical sash.

scorp

What’s Your Sign? Her groupie days were over, at least for now. The memories rolled around in the bottom of her bag: a guitar pick, one of Mick Jagger’s teeth, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Cipro, a copy of Being and Nothingness (she always was the smart one on the bus). Mick didn’t give her the tooth. It was a prize in a special box of Rice Krispies. At least she thought it was Mick’s. At least she thought it was a tooth.

Lambskin leather with gunmetal hardware and studded scorpions.

boots

Mistress of the Hunt You were feeling foxy. He had a fine Irish cob. You fixed a pearl stick pin in your ascot. He sounded the bugle. You fell after an oxer when Thunderbolt (see Recession Finds: Horse) took a false step. He was there to help you wipe off the mud. You started to take off your boots, but he told you not to. Tallyho.

Sienna pull-on boot. Distressed grained leather. Pointed toe.

blue2

Parisian Paintbox Neither of you knew the language, but the robbery went according to plan. That is, until this backless confection made it easy for the gendarme to taser you as you ran.

Dappled light and watery splashes on silk, bias cut and knotted at the neck.

vest

The Board Meeting Go ahead, steal from his closet. Does he really think you don’t know where the gun is?

Cotton cropped pinstripes in navy feature a zing of lighting bolt lining.

sunset1

Cambridge Sunset Finally, she found a Harvard man who liked to get a little rough. We suggest something that will make a mark.

14K gold beads surround a faceted stone of dusty rose.

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