J.Cruel

Constant. Sartorial. Wonderment.

How to Wear

Saddle Shoes

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You are a man of simple pleasures. Once you rode your bike from Portobello Road to Covent Garden, just to see the daffodils in St. James Park. You like your shirts tailored, but not pressed. You desire a Bermuda short in St. Kitts and top-siders down under, when Canberra is in the first hot flush of summer. You need several women in your life—your mother, your cigar maker. You require a belt with an extra notch and a distressed bronze buckle. And it’s true, you require a two-tone shoe in a women’s size 8, so just LAY OFF.

Saddle shoe. Available in black and white. Concerns about emasculation sold separately.

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Arms

obama

Just because it’s the middle of winter doesn’t mean you need to say farewell to arms. Instead, say hello to arms! Put away those meat hooks that have been wedged into your torso for the past months, and treat yourself to a pair! We know what you’re thinking—that you had finally learned to open a can of V8 at twenty paces. Well, arms can open both the V8 AND the vodka that makes you forget the threshing accident. Delish! Arms go with almost anything and will definitely get you noticed at any office party or art auction. Just don’t get caught up in an arms race with your best friend. One of you will surely end up dead in Red Square. Instead, remember that arms are an important part of every woman’s second amendment: the right to wear…arms!

Arms, now with enlarged tricep as well as bicep.

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Military

erez

A defined shoulder adds an air of refinement to this slouchy jacket. Pair with a simple cotton t-shirt to soak in the night sweats. The military look is sometimes hard to achieve. If you become frustrated, try punching through the drywall in your bedroom. Or shaving your head in the kitchen sink as your wife weeps openly in the hallway. The corduroy edged collar can be worn up or down for when the weather is cool. Thinsulate lining optional for those days when no human warmth will comfort you.

British Millerain Oilcloth Field Jacket in Carob

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