J.Cruel

Constant. Sartorial. Wonderment.

Archive for Rags to Bitches

Everybody. Into the hot tub now.

Swim

She explained the rules, and they said that they respected rules. Then one of them laughed.  She could not be sure which.

Rocco was the one with the scar on his cheek. Vladimir wore rings on every finger. Stiva’s chest hair looked like disheveled macrame.  Felix had a portrait of Brezhnev tattooed on his back.  The one they called Wimpy had been an assassin in his youth.  The one they called The Generalissimo never spoke.

But, underwater, they were all the same.  They were all just hairy thighs.

Lycra one-piece with interlacing soutache. My, what a tangled web we weave.

Which Shoe Tastes Best?

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Spring is in full swing and summer’s in the air! That means it’s time to stop carving up your bootstrap leather and start thinking about sandal season. Any well trained depressionista knows that to find the best tasting shoes, it’s best to start early so you don’t have to shiv someone in the bread line.

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He Will Go to the Ball

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It had been months since the Yankees had ravaged this part of the county, stealing every waistcoat, cummerbund, and cufflink between Atlanta and Macon. Still Beau Beauregard felt the sting. Blue was not his color.

He had torn out the linings of his silk smoking jackets just to make a filter for tea.  His pocket squares were now reduced to handkerchiefs. It wasn’t fair! He thought of boyish Beau who had never tied a cravat let alone caught a sow. He thought of his silk Morocco green slippers and how the ladies gathered around him at the barbeque (so long ago!) as he lifted his trouser cuffs. It was well known that he had the largest feet in seven counties. It was a scandal with he had his evening britches tailored five inches too short. Was he no better than that gigolo Patrice Zouard who died his hair pink and downed creme de menthe like it was a tonic?

The house faced east, windows full with the morning light. It was too hot to stand here much longer, there were chores to be done. He let the heavy drape fall, concealing the room once again in shadow.

How could he have been so blind! The curtians! He ran from window to window, laughing. He would be green-eyed Beau once more!

Paisley jacket and trousers. Button fly with genuine mother-of-pearl. Whether you lie, steal, or cheat, you’ll never be underdressed again.